Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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foreskin is a definite game changer
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
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He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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