I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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