We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
