so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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