I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
