Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
