my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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