ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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