apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
