Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
