Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
