i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
