I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it glows. i had to have it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
