I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
