your thong is hanging out like whoa
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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