did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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