if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
