I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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