I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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