EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
