But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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