Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
