Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
