John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
