I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
