i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
