Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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