He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
