He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
