i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
