I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Houston, we have a squirter
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
