She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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