i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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