Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
