Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
