I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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