I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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