woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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