2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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