Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
