you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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