After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm having to shit out rocks
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