she was so not down for the gang bang
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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