i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
