that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
