It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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