His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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