i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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