Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize