I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
