i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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