You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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