and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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