Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
