i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
