Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
