i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
