I cannot find my penis.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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