Having a random hookup so left but love u
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
