Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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