I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I stole a fireplace last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
