They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
